I’m Counting Calories Comebacks

 I am a 48 year old woman with a history of eating disorders going back 30-35 years. It is HARD for me to give up “dieting”. I feel like I’ve been on a diet my whole entire life. 

When I made the decision to give myself some time to figure out what not dieting looks like, I still went back and counted. For months. I counted calories. I counted “points”. I counted carbs. I counted protein and fiber. It doesn’t matter what the metric is, it causes a problem if I try to “not diet” diet. 

So. I’ve been noticing on trips with my coworkers, they are dieters too. The women are not, but the men are. Maybe it’s that the women are younger? I’m not sure, but it’s so refreshing to be around women who don’t talk about calories or carbs constantly. 

This week, I went on a 1 day trip with some of the guys on my team. We went to dinner at Ruth’s Chris. The topic of “I’m counting calories” came up. I ignored it. Nobody ordered dessert, so I didn’t. One of the women on my team who wasn’t there is always the instigator to order dessert. 

The next day, the vendor brought in lunch, including desserts. I had my tiny half sandwich and salad, and went and grabbed a brownie. Nobody was eating these amazing brownies. I made the comment that they were really good. 

Guy next to me says nah, but is clearly low carb (he pulled the bread off his sandwich). 

Guy across the table: oh I can’t eat that, I don’t have enough calories.

AAAARRRGGGHHH!! 

This time, I can’t help it. I have to say something. 

Me: “If I could get back the time I thought about calories or carbs or dieting, I could have conquered the world”

Sad, but true. 

Pre-Travel Run

 I traveled to Chattanooga yesterday afternoon. I was planning to get up early, run, work half a day and then head to the airport. 

I overslept. 

I woke up at 5am and decided to rest until 6am. I woke up at 8. 

Instead of bagging the run, I bagged a couple of hours of work. 

Distance: 3.11 miles
Time: 43:17
Pace: 13:53/mile

Does Anybody Blog Anymore?

 I had completely forgotten that I had a blog back in the day.

I was reading a book this week where the main character was blogging about everything that happened to her, and it triggered my memory. I decided to see if I could remember the login information for my old, abandoned blog here.  Lucky for me, it's all Google now. Google knows all. Easy peasy, I know how to log into Google.

Anyhow. 

I have no clue if anybody still reads blogs, which is fine. I'm putting this out into the great void mostly for myself.

Just to fast forward for anybody who is actually reading this...  I'm living in the northern 'burbs of Chicago. I'm working a role where I am remote 100% of the time, with travel most weeks (my preference). My daughter (28) has moved out but is still very close (see her at least a couple of times per week). My son (27) is still at home. My son has epilepsy, oddly didn't have any seizures until he was 21 but haven't gone more than a couple of months in a row seizure-free since then. The seizures have made it impossible for him to hold a long-term job. 

I know that motivation comes and goes, but lately I have zero motivation and zero give-a-damn about it.  I *want* to run, in theory, but I ebb and flow.  I *want* to workout, but I ebb and flow. My eating is ridiculous.  I just cannot diet.  I really can't.  All the eating disorder history - it has finally dawned on me that dieting is at the root.  

Since I've been trying to get back to eating when I'm hungry, not excluding any foods, etc - I've found myself eating way too much of the stuff that I had previously denied myself.  

It's a whole thing.  

And, even though we all know that the number on the scale doesn't determine anything about you - my history causes me to freak out about the way my clothes fit and the number on the scale when I'm dumb enough to check it. 

SO, I shall be talking about all of that here.  

The last race I ran was on vacation in Florida in February - Ave Maria Half Marathon.

I ran 4:1 run/walk intervals until the last 3 miles when I went to 3:1. I hadn't trained enough (at all), but I felt great throughout the entire race. That week, I thought I was going to make a comeback.  I did, for a little while, but then I got weighed down by the cold weather that keeps lingering around here.  

So, I'm planning to run tonight after work - I'll report back here either way.

Ave Maria Half Marathon

2/12/22

Official Chip Time:  3:17:01

Official Pace: 15:03